Taking the Eagle Flight to Mordor
Everyone in the Fellowship mounts an Eagle. First they go through quite a
wet fluffy cloud... The next cloud is a little stringier and stretched out.
But, boy, oh, boy, they go WAY around those menacing thunderheads.
"Yikes, look out! An UPDRAFT!"
Oh, God... what's next for our brave fly-boys?
The answer turns out to be a little hail storm.
"Dang! Pigeon shit is a problem even way up here!"
"Eek! Where did that damn mallorn come from! Gosh, that was a close one!"
BANG - one hits a big tree just outside of Lórien... Good-bye to Legolas.
Do they bring lunch baskets? They'll need supplies. Trying to increase
their food supply, Gandalf fly-fishes in the Anduin - casts his lure, snags
an eagle leg... End of Gandalf and one Eagle.
"Oh, no - I broke a claw on Anarion!
"Orcs are shooting arrows at us!" The lead Eagle grawks and drops Pippin
into the Great River.
"Oops - well, he was expendable."
Then they have to take a rest on Emyn Muil, and the Nazgūl attack them.
This time, they manage to thrust a Morgul knife into Landroval's right wing.
Landroval flaps back to Rivendell to get healed.
As they cross into Mordor, the fumes begin to bother their eyes.
Fortunately, they brought black goggles. However, the fumes can erode where
the Eagles' feathers fasten into their bodies, in a manner reminiscent of
Icarus' fate. It's nip and tuck whether or not they'll have enough feathers
to make it to Mount Doom.
The Eagles don black goggles too, and since they can't see anything any
longer, they crash into the Barad-dūr.
Sauron comes out and is really angry because they have damaged the West
Wing. "Look what you've done to my home!" he shouts. "Fly-by-night
hooligans!"
Gwaihir: "Oh, yeah? Well, *I* damaged both *my* wings!"
Meneldor, who now suffers from a really bad concussion, shouts: "Don't be
rufflin' MY feathers, baby!"
To make things worse, when birds crash into a window, they always vomit.The
impact forces out whatever is in their crops. Accordingly, the Eagles leave
a really nasty mess on Sauron's floor. While Sauron, who has been reduced to
a mental wreck by all this, is gibbering, they make their escape.
Approaching Mount Doom, one Eagle wants to show off: "Hey, guys, watch
THIS!" SPLAT. Good-bye to Merry.
The the Eagle carrying Boromir wants to show off too and says: "Look, no
wings!". CRASH.
"I can fly with one wing tied behind my back!"
"Oops - no, he couldn't." Another CRASH.
Finally, we are left with Frodo, Sam, Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli riding
Gwaihir, the only Eagle still able to fly. Gwaihir can't support such a
burden and plummets to the ground, making a big, deep hole.
At the bottom of the hole, they find a tunnel that leads to Shelob's lair.
They eliminate Shelob but can't hide from the Orcs looking for the
intruders. They all end up as Orc lunch. Sauron gets the Ring. The curtain
falls.
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