November 2, 3018
A[[endix A: The Pink Fluffy Slipper Question:
Answering two posts at once here ...
1.Re: Pink fluffy slippers. The general consensus is that these weren't invented until late in the second age, when Sauron was busy reforming Atlantis. Professor Flump, of course, stubbornly maintains that they were invented during the age of the Two Tildes, but on laughable documentary evidence.
2.Re: Sauron's writing. Sauron used an ancient mode of the script called the teuncwar.
I quote here in extenso from the opinion of an expert on pink fluffy slippers. May El Rond and the others forgive the length of it. [J R R Tolkien@frodo.net (not to be confused with J.R.R. Tolkien, the scribbling liar and anti-Orc racist) has made an invaluable, if unverifiable contribution to the Pink Fluffy Slipper question, which I cite here:
1. I have written evidence that one Asrondel, of the seventh Kin of Dwerrow, having preceded Gimli u'Gloin in befriending the Eldar, learned of the making of "Fuzz" and "Fluff" from the people of Doriath. Asrondel's people fled into the farthest east when Morgoth built his tower, and there lived until Singew the Jade Dragon killed them (a sin for which he was long repentant, and gave his life into the service of those men whom the Seventh Kindred had encountered in the farthest East.)
These men were in the habit of going unshod indoors, but shodden outdoors. Thus they had invented Tengi, or Slippers. Being at the time rustic Men, their slippers had advanced little beyond the old-style ruffly lace model, with the occasional Donald Duck for chieftans. But the Dwarves of the seventh kindred were contracted in the making of slippers. And Asrondel was accounted by all the greatest in this craft. His slippers were moulded left and right, and did not slip off until commanded to do so, and then removed with ease, and did not make their wearer have to bend over.
Thus were the Dwarves and Men coexisting well when Morgoth sent forth his great Balrog Sortie to map and claim all lands of the east and south before the Eldar could. And coming into the Furthest East, nigh to the entrance to the Sun Cave, they came upon the Dwarves and Men. ANd they entered into the town and demanded tribute in valuable items. Now it was so bu the way of life of that place that they used no gold, rather slippers. And these the BS took and found to their delight. But the chief of that town to which the BS had come would not relinquish his slippers, for, he said, they were being refitted.
And so the BS went into the shop of Asrondel, and demanded of him the slippers. And seening him a Dwarf, lthey naturally assumed that he would have gold or gems. Having none, Asrondel decorated the slippers in "Fuzz" and "Fluff", dyed with the pink flowers that grew in those parts. At this the Balrogs were appalled, and would have slain Asrondel for affrontry, until Azcg their leader accidentaly stepped into the slippers. This was surprising, for the Balrogs were not acquainted with the use of slippers. And Azcg found the slippers to so heat his inner flame as to take off at a run, the rest of his horde following him. No being of the Shadow ever again troupled the Furthest East until the coming of Singew.
*Thus it is that the first Balrog to wear fuzzy pink fluffy slippers was Azcg the Marshall of Eastern BS, sometime before the Fall of Morgoth (the dates are unclear, as it is referred to only as the Fifty-Fith gerneration of the ________ (untransliterable title of the Seventh Kindred), and their life span is not documented, although it was reported to "seem long even to the Men of Numinor" though this report is obviously falsified, as the Seventh Kindred of Dwerrow had been slain in the First Age.
**Note: This is an account only of the _first_ occurance of fuzzy pink fluffy slippers in the Balrog wardrobe. The account of their invention in the mid Second Age should have been translated "fuzzy pink slipper _mass production_ began during the Reign of the Great Lord Overseas" as the chronicler of Mordor recorded it, and it was found after the fall of that land.]
A[[endix B: Some Considerations on Isildur™'s Dynasty and Related Matters
William H. Hsu, whose middle initial constitutes an impeccable credential for scholarly reputation, reports as follows:
In II.9 of the Red Book, Aragon includes "of the House of Valandil" during his Dunedain Lineage 101 recitation (the one subject that the True Heirs always made an 'A' in [*], even with some embellishment...).>In spite of my efforts, the account of the taking of Sauron's Ring is
>totally inconsistent in the diary -- whether because someone's lying, >or because my Black Speech isn't up to scratch, who knows?My vote is that EVERYONE is lying.
Miniwethil did to Sauron what Gollum supposedly did to Frodo, only 'twere in a fit of jealous rage over that hussy, the Spider Queen. Frodo learnt of it acos Sam were nearsighted and grabbed a section of Sauron's diary (BIIG sheets of vellum) in the tower instead of those orc-clothes he supposedly took. Frodo later translated this, thought it made a good explanation for what REALLY happened to the One Ring, and the rest is well, er, well-FABRICATED history.
Simple, ne?
"Mon front est rouge encore du baiser de la reine,
J'ai reve dans la grotte ou nage la sirene..."
- Sauron, Ode to Nienna (later another Ode to Shelob)[*] Oh, I see... you thought Elrond managed to shepherd the line through a millenium of exile, unbroken and unconfuzzled by nay illegitimacies? Well, in Armenelos, maaaybe; in Minas Anor, prolly not; in backwoods Arnorbama? Sorry. Elrond just showed up at Rangers Elementary every generation or so and asked "Who's your daddy?" He could walays pick out the True Heir as the one who could recite The Lineage (with some real whoppers inserted for good measure) and stretch it out to an hour-long affair. That trait, at least, always bred true (that and the pot belly, but it didn't show up until around 60-75).
I responded:
You're probably right. El Rond even admitted that there were only two witnesses, himself and the other guy, Cirdan, who won't contradict El Rond because he's too busy doing whatever he does best at the Grey Motels. As for Sauron, scholars have debated his veracity quite fiercely, but the consensus is that his diary contains one or two whoppers. [What?! I deny writing that! Sauron's Diary is living, breathing truth itself!]Some authorities maintain that Frodo is actually more directly descended from Isildur or whoever than Aragon. The philandering practices of the House of Wupdidu did not necessarily stop at humans. (Indeed, the theory that the Clause is the descendant of Wupdidu and Gothmog's wife still has its adherents.) [Recent discoveries have rendered that last remark of mine out of date. Stay tuned for further installations of both Sauron's Diary and the e-text.]
"Sauron fell by the force of pedantry." -- G.K. Chesterton
transcribed by Menelvagor the Enervator
back to Sauron's diary - November 2-28
