Arkady Bogdanov

there is no need to write a parody about Arky, for he already is one. on the night of the Russian Revolution (which Revolution? does it matter?), he was born to a noblewoman who fled the country in shock, reluctantly bringing her red child with her. he grew up in a cupboard in the lady's boudoir, surviving only on tea and vodka, and communist pamphlets which he swallowed whole.

on his eleventh birthday he was saved by a giant who looked remarkably like Lenin, and they both flew to a magical place called Proletaria. but Arkady found it too peaceful, so he went back to the land of fish and chips to fight for raising the consciousness of the fish by soaking it in vinegar. it was a sour task, but he got a lot of chips.

Arkady has strong oratory powers which he mostly employs with great skill arguing against himself. he fights a daily battle between two very strong desires: either overthrowing the Queen, or seducing her. so far, he has only succeeded in making friends with a sheep called Bess.

there's only so much one can say about Arky without entering the subject of penis clones, sinister laughs and athames. however, since these may disrupt vital plots in the making, we shall leave you with a mighty HUH? instead.