Öjevind, Lord Protector of the Lossoth
& a wildboar in his sparetime
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Lord Öjevind of the Funny Name
when you want to discuss Öje, first you need to discuss his name, as illustrated by the following exchange from our friends in alt.fan.tolkien:
[Kent] >>THat brings up and interesting question. Doesn't 'vind' translate as >>'glove'? [Juho P. Pahajoki] >I think it translates as wind, but what in Arda does Öje mean? "Vind" can mean "wind", but in the context of my name, nobody seems to know what it means. The name Öjevind, Öjvind, Eyvind, Eyvindur and so on is one of the really old names form heathen times. There are at least two theories of what it means: "Island-wind", which is appardently erroneous, and "Fate-turned", which may be true. I like both explanations. Öjevindfrom informed TEUNC sources, 'Öjevind' is mostly thought to have the meaning 'a bit too hard on the lutefizz'. but hey, every nutcase his answer, wright? as for how to pronounce the name, Öje's comrade in arms (or somesuch), mjukråttan, is the one to ask.
Try: U(r)h-ye-vind The first noise, o-umlaut, does not occur in standard English, but does occur in French and German (and Swedish!). Try saying 'eee' and puckering hard as if to whistle at the same time. Now relax a little. (The 'r' really isn't there, but to some folks it sounds like it is. They say 'ur' or 'ear', both of which are wrong.) the softrat
Öjevind's High and Worthy Work
Öje, when not stringing up liars and miscreants in alt.fan.tolkien or providing immortal quotes for TEUNC, does a little work as a translator. to say he lives for his job would be an understatement; to be honest, the work seems to seep in, engulf and fill him, so that he completely changes personality with irregular intervals. sometimes he's a beer-bellied german nobleman intent on amusing himself with foxes, othertimes a confuzzled philosopher with sufi tendencies, but the time when he was closest to his real self was when he took on the personality of a wildboar:
An Ode to Wild Boars Boars are wonderful, boars are cool, in every field the wild boars rule, I love their tusks, I love their smile, I love the way they walk in file. If running from them, I should slip, and they would bite me, slash and rip, I'd know that such a glorious death would fill with bliss my final breath. The Wildschwein loves the copious field where he from hostile eyes can shield. If dogs him track, with howl and bark the boar makes sure their end is stark: When he in hiding hears them bell he rushes out and gives them hell. He cuts them up with shaking head, till he in scattered guts can tread. O, porcine heroes! I could weep as I, in restless, envious sleep your lovely, bristly, horrent frames so sexy to all Wildschwein dames do covet: O, to be a swine and have a sense of smell so fine that I, despite my personal scent the hunter finds whose ammo's spent.for more along the same vein (i know there are masochists
out there...), check out the collection of Olle's Potery.Öje's artistical streak doesn't end there, ooooh no. he makes Sir Doyle jig in his grave with the excellent 'Sherlock Holmes in Middle Earth' series, and has also co-written the long and still unfinished saga of Arnrenwaldenster the Foesmacker and his merry men (and elves, bombadils, &c). in addition to this are his many stand-alone products which would be too numerous to mention here.
with a hard work schedule like this, the idealistic Öje still finds time to work on convincing miscreants of the winglessness of balrogs. his outstanding work as a hard-hitting reporter of balrog news from all over the globe has rendered many a keyboard unusable, and brought many a believer in balrog-wings to their fall.
Rumours and other Slander
due to his prominent figure in oublic life, Öje has attended a lot of attractions, where a lot of attention has gravitated towards him by its own accord. Öje doesn't mind, and here we present some of the many rumours that have been spread about him.
Öjevind likes to dress as a balrog.
while Öje does possess a pair of hyooge pink fluffy slippers, smoking nostril plugs, and a rahter shodowy cloak, there is no proof that he dresses in these on a regular basis. nstead, the fact that he admits to this fact should be proof good enough to proove that he does not balrog-dress.Öjevind is a sikrit agent who goes under the name of Agent D6.
i can neither confirm nor deny that statement. after all, if i did, he wouldn't be sikrit anymory, would he?Öjevind is a redneck.
after a lot of fretting and claims about liars and flamers, Öje resigned and admitted that yes, he is a redneck. this triumph of truth was crowned with the discovery Olle's long-time sikrit, his 'diary of a red-neck jedi' (after he moved from Minnesota, and before he descended upon Alfantol, Olle spent some time with his uncle Yoda Bob - the visit was somewhat shortened because he kept insisting that smoked eel and lutefizz were stronger than The Force).Öjevind is one of the female singers in ABBA.
this is, of curse, true, but in his modesty, Öje doesn't wish to make a big fuss of it. it is after all some years ago since it all happened, and Sweden has produced many gret things since then. don't ask me to name them, use your imagination!Öjevind is not Lång at all, but actually kwite short!
lies and flames. Öje towers high above nay worm that dares approach him.Öjevind is a hobbit.
no, he isn't.
