|
Bob's trip to france Sunday 5/7. Dear diary. Today I woke up early, thinking it was Monday. I got up, ran all the way to the harbour an waited for the boat for like a hour before a dude who looked like Happy Tom in Turbonegro told me that there are no boats arriving here on Sundays. I walked home a little embarrassed, sat down in the kitchen, and waited for Monday to come. I’m really looking forward to going to France tomorrow. I’m going to see the Eiffel tower, just like I dreamed of since I was a little girl! Monday 6/7. Dear diary. I am on the boat! It is really cool here, with an ocean and everything! And best of all: booze is really cheap here! It took 30 minutes before everyone on the boat was wasted, including the crew! (Hmm. I need to stop using exclamation marks!) After I got wasted, I made friends with a really cool Mexican guy. His name is Pedro Emmanuel Gonzales Mariano Jesus Desperado, but I get to call him Pete. (And thank god for that.) It is Pete’s first time in France too, but he never dreamed of going there. He just woke up on the boat after a party in Mexico City, and now he has to go to France, whether he likes it or not. Tomorrow the boat will arrive in France, and we will see how great it really is. Tuesday 7/7. Dear diary. France is great. (In case you wondered.) I got a hotel room that is bigger then my apartment and it even has a bathroom! Pete and I went shopping for more booze, and then we went to se the Eiffel Tower. We took the elevator all the way to the top and looked at Paris from there. Then we went down an looked t the tower just in time to see a suicide jumper jump from the top, fall all the way down, and smash his head to jelly against the concrete. It was really neat, and Pete took a few photos of it too. Pete couldn’t afford a hotel room, so I let him sleep in my bath tub. I don’t need it anyway. Wednesday 8/7. Dear diary. … Thursday 9/7. Dear diary. Today I woke up with a stripper named Kevin in my bed. He is really sleazy and looks like a girl. I can’t recall anything from yesterday, and my asshole hurts. France is not so great anymore. Pete is nowhere to be found and my wallet likewise. Someone must have stolen Pete, and he accidentally took my wallet with him. I got out, and ran away from Kevin, before I went to the harbour. There, I learned that the first boat home leaves tomorrow morning, and to get on it I need to work for the captain. We’ll see how this works out. Friday 10/7. Dear diary. Well I got on the boat, but the price was high. Through the entire trip, I have to be ready to do the captain’s bidding, whatever that may be. So far I have only washed his room, and some clothes, but he keeps looking at me with a weird smile. Tomorrow I am home. Then I’ll be safe. Saturday 11/7. Dear diary. I regret being born now. Although I am home and safe, I had to let the captain … defile me before I could leave the boat. It was horrible, and I have probably brushed my teeth fifty times. Somehow, Kevin has my phone number, and has been calling me to ask me on a date several times. I realize now that France isn’t great in any way. Just disgusting. |